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Archive for September, 2009

Fear ain’t the problem…

September 15, 2009 Leave a comment

Fear ain’t the problem. Panic is.

In a bit…

-tf

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Record is on hold

September 14, 2009 Leave a comment

Well, the new record is gonna have to go on hold….at least for a while. I just can’t afford it right now. This recession is killing me, and the thought of having to stare at the clock and do financial math on my fingers while overdubbing guitar bits is too depressing to contemplate. It would appear I’m destined to make solo acoustic recordings from my basement until further notice. When cash and music mix, what generally follows is either shit music or bankruptcy. And I’m not willing to create the former or go through the latter.

At times like this you’re on razor’s edge, so you’re also more conscious of who your friends are and who you thought they were…..and more prone to be grateful and pissed off, respectively. Some will be there, some won’t. Some will follow through on promises, some won’t. Some will at least have the decency to pay your scheme’s lip service, while others will consider you unworthy to sup with. And so you move on, being helped along the dusty road by a few, and wanting to scream “fuck off” over your shoulder to the rest. But you don’t do that. Scream I mean. At least most of the time. It does feel good to obliterate a bridge every once in a while though. It keeps the fear up.

I’ve got confidence in my ability (most of the time anyway) because I work my ass off. I’ve not gotten far, but that doesn’t make me unique. What does is that I’ve never once considered not doing this. Not writing songs would be like saying I’m no longer going to sleep. Writing isn’t even a luxury anymore. It’s mandatory for good health.

It is a solitary business though. Trust others at your peril. You can assume that if you build it, they will come….but be prepared to get run over by a farming tractor in the process. Most likely, they will not come. You have to go to them, which is the part I’ve always been lousy at. I initially thought that the web and digital music might level the playing field….but instead it’s just made it too large to sensibly navigate at all without an unlimited supply of bandwidth, patience, and little red pills.

So now what? I have no clue really. I’ve got a few ideas but none I’m willing to stay up late for….which probably means they’re not very good ideas to start with. Maybe I’ll just scrap everything I have and write and record 10 pop songs. Maybe I’ll morph back into a Woody Guthrie wannabe. Maybe I’ll write a rock-opera about the Gallagher brothers. Maybe I’ll go join the circus. Who knows. Idleness is not an option though.

In a bit…

–tf

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I may just scrap everything and start again

September 11, 2009 Leave a comment

It’s supposed to be easier than this. But it never seems to get easier. I guess the struggle is what I’m supposed to be enjoying, but I’m getting a bit old for tossing rolled up pieces of paper off the walls and grumbling curses under my breath. I’m totally focused, but bereft of ideas. Or I have topics galore, but can’t keep from being distracted by that piece of lint on the red carpet. My hair isn’t falling out but it’s going grey, and the more I talk the less people seem to understand what the hell I’ve driving at.  I want to take chances, but I’m too timid to push all the way through. I want to simplify things but I’m desperately afraid of boredom. So what can I do? Has anybody ever been here?

I may just scrap everything and start again. Or maybe not. Nobody expects anything, but I’m terrified of failing regardless. Why?

I need loud music with a good melody and a crushingly interesting book. I need a good long sleep. I need to decide whether to turn right or left out of the driveway before I start worrying about the first fork in the road. And lastly, I need to choose what I want to be when I grow up.

So how’s that for the friday afternoon confessional eh? No priest required, which is good ’cause most of them guys creep me out.

In a bit…

–tf

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Scrunched

September 10, 2009 Leave a comment

Nothing to report yesterday, as I spent much of my time scrunched over yellow legal pads desperately trying to be creative. Moments of inspiration, and moments of sheer despair. More of the latter I’m afraid, but that’s the way writing goes. I was so pre-occupied I forgot about the President’s health care speech last night, so I missed that bat-shit republican from South Carolina screaming in the middle of it, pulling our nation further down into the surreal trough in the eyes of the rest of the civilized world….who must continue to shake their heads in amazement that loud fat rich white guys are allowed to hijack a plan for the greatest nation on earth to provide basic health care needs to its most neglected citizens…..many of them poor children. And the media plays along like willing executioners. Gee….what do you think the lead story was this morning? It would be funny if it weren’t ultimately so destructive to human beings.

Anyway…..that’s enough of that. Trying to get a first draft of this play done, and it’s been a struggle. But today I grabbed a copy of the new Deadstring Brothers record, which certainly has the potential to make my day. Have also been listening to Brendan Benson’s 4 records over the last few weeks. Pop songs don’t get much better. If I can’t have Noel Gallagher, I’ll take Brendan Benson.

Music can break your heart. But it can save your sorry ass too. My writing hand needs the equivalent of a sugar rush today, so onward we go. Eventually, I need to pick the guitar up again. It seems sad.

In a bit…

–tf

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Early teens….

September 8, 2009 Leave a comment

Writing today. Or trying to. Prose actually. Damn deadlines. But without them, I’d get nothing done. Ever try to put your head into the cranium of a 15 year old? I don’t suggest it unless you’re being paid. And even then, don’t just think twice. Think about a dozen times. It may have you reaching for the Seconals before mother nature says it’s time. And while it’s not true that all early teens are damaged, a large percentage of them surely are. Tread with caution. And if you think you know how they think by thinking back to how you used to think, think again. The previous sentence may seem confusing but it’s really not. It should make perfect sense to any who have any.

Labor Day finally put to bed. That means summer can be put out of it’s misery and fall and football can commence with vigor. So what if it’s 80 some degrees today with vapor rising from the road? We can’t let insignificant details like a lingering steam bath bring us hot weather haters down. It’s fall dammit. Let the leaves fall where they may…..and change all sorts of colors beforehand. And let us watch in horrified fascination as Charlie Weis’s waistline grows larger than a hula-hoop…..as his team of poorly coached highly recruited under-achievers get stomped like fire-ants by every top 25 team they play all year. It should be great fun. It’s like going to the same person’s funeral 5 or 6 times a year.

300 more words to go.

In a bit…

–tf

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Ever feel like that beer in the bottom of the glass?

September 4, 2009 Leave a comment

Ever feel like that beer in the bottom of the glass that the drunk guy leaves on the bar when he finally staggers towards the door?

‘Tis an interesting feeling. And not one very conducive to creativity.

Could be worse I guess. Some dreg could slide by when nobody’s looking and drink me.

Sitting here very early in the AM listening to a Son Volt record and thinking about all the things I need to do and how much it’s going to cost and wondering where the money is going to come from. I’m pretty sure people owe me some money but I keep lousy books. And I wait for checks to come in the mail and they never do. Everybody wants to give me credit though. It’s like they’re trying to tell me something.

The words need to come. Without them, the lack of funds is irrelevant. And worrying about one invariably hurts the other.

Wrote a lyric yesterday called “The Hidden”. It needs a tune. Maybe today. Unless those Ed McMahon people show up with cameras and that giant cardboard check. Then all bets are off.

In a bit…

–tf

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Lyric binge

September 2, 2009 Leave a comment

On a lyric binge. Guitar still feels like I’m holding a struggling animal, so I figure it’s time to catch up on some words. Word hungry. For me the words almost always come first anyway, so I’ve got two sorta-complete sets of lyrics. Thinking on a third now. After a while me and the guitar will learn to play nice again and hopefully I’ll have a few decent rock and roll songs to tend to.

Just picked up a copy of Joe Henry’s new record. I either love his stuff or hate it (some of his pointless jazz noodling drives me insane). He is obesely (is that a word?) talented though. We’ll see what the morrow brings. If all else fails, I grabbed the Supersucker’s latest as well, just so things wouldn’t be a total washout. In a world of mixed-up confusion, one can always rely on the Supersuckers.

And so….onward I suppose. Going back is way too much work.

In a bit…

–tf

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