TomFlannery.com

I’ve lost track of how many days it’s been. Maybe 10? Maybe more?

I keep forgetting what day of the week it is.

Our family is extremely fortunate. We’re able to work from home. Our sacrifice has been minor compared to many. We work and then we eat and then we sorta wander around in circles and maybe find something to watch or to read and then settle in and wait for another day.

But still, it’s surreal.

We only step foot outdoors to get supplies, or to go for solitary walk/runs. These usually take place at dusk. It’s eerie out there then. Just a few cars, and no people. The soundtrack is birds and the barking dogs that spy you as you pass their front parlor windows. I usually take music with me, but for whatever reason that feels like an intrusion now. So I just listen for the silence and think about where we go from here.

We talk of things going back to normal. But what will be the definition of “normal” when that time comes? Eventually, if all this isolating flattens the curve, they’ll be some sort of world-wide “all-clear”. That may be months away. Maybe the summer. Maybe even longer. But when that day comes, what then? Are you gonna buy that concert ticket? Or visit that crowded mall? Feel comfortable sending your kid off to college? Are you gonna gather and hug it out with everybody you so sorely miss? Or did this thing damage something internally, permanently.

It’s become politicized because we politicize everything. But you can’t lie or bluster your way out of a pandemic. And you can’t build walls to keep it out. Or slander it away. Our nation should have been more prepared, and we weren’t. It is what it is. The buck stops with the one in charge. Fix it. And fix it now.. If you need help, there’s plenty of grown-ups out there who have already taken the lead. Follow them. Stop being such a whiny fucking pussy and do your goddamn job.

(Sorry…..I wanted to put that another way but couldn’t think of anything better.)

The news has been so relentlessly bad that I stopped watching network TV….and have limited my facebook time. Facebook has become a breeding ground for the stupid virus, which is way more infectious than Covid-19. Since so many folks are home, the number of users has exploded, which means there are literally millions MORE people popping up that don’t know how to use “there,their,they’re,to,too,your,you’re” correctly in a sentence, and it’s slowly breaking my soul into tiny irretrievable pieces.

When it’s this quiet….I often miss my parents. Their reassurance. The way just a short conversation with them could do wonders for my mental stability. My father was never flustered, and focused almost exclusively on those that lifted others up. He had no tolerance for hate, and wouldn’t give it the time of day. My Mom was…well…..she’s a mom. And she soothed me as much as a grown man as she did when I was a wee one. Because that’s the superpower that Moms have. I miss her now. I miss him now. But in a way I’m glad they’re not forced to see what’s become of us. And what we’ve managed to do to each other. Each had a huge heart. Which made it exceedingly fragile.

I hadn’t really noticed until last night, but it’s staying brighter longer. Winter seems in the rear-view, and all those birds will not be silenced. Dogs have never been happier. The end of this thing is gonna result in a lot of guilty stare-downs from our best friends. But I think they’ll understand. And they might enjoy the quiet time to catch up on some napping.

Late last night I couldn’t sleep, so I was watching the Ken Burns “Baseball” documentary on PBS. It struck me that maybe the “all clear” that we’ll be waiting on will come when the umpires yell “play ball!”. Even world wars couldn’t stop it. Or terrorism. But now this. This cruel thing. Unseen….nowhere and everywhere….punishing us for seeking the company of others. I was watching last night……the section of the film that dealt with my childhood. The 1970s. Pete Rose and the Reds. My team. The Big Red Machine. The Mets on channel 9. The Yankees on channel 11. The Phillies on channel 17. I wanted a hot dog. I wanted an absurdly expensive beer. I wanted to sit close enough to hear the chatter. I wanted characters like Casey Stengel to invade my dreams..

“Most people my age are dead at the present time, and you can look it up…”

Thinking about it damn near made me cry.

When the boys of summer return……that’s when we know. The healing has begun.

In a bit..

–tf